My Troubled Protagonist

Writing's hard.

Blogging isn't, but writing is hard. There have only been a few times in my life where a great story has just flown out of me, nearly perfect on the first try. And when it's all over, I ask myself "How in god's name did I manage to do that?"

I suppose this phenomenon can be likened to being "In The Zone"...but whatever it is, I really wish I was there for the story that I'm working on currently. Because I've been working on it for six and a half years.

SIX AND A HALF YEARS.

If I actually finish it, it would be my fifth completed draft. If I don't complete it, it will join the ranks of what are hundreds of false starts.

Most people would say to just let the project die and to move on. But I can't. This is the story I want to tell. I don't know why I want to tell it, I don't know what I can't let it go, perhaps because I love it so much. It's almost like the perfect woman I can't have.

Either there's something inherently wrong with the concept, or I, for six and a half years, have not truly allowed myself to become the protagonist. You see, writing is a bit like acting. You have to create your characters, and they all come from a part of you. I have to create a life for my protagonist, goals, conflicts, friends, enemies.

The only reason I can fathom as to why it's been so difficult for me to jump into my protagonist's shoes this time around is because...it's a woman.

I'm almost positive that if I made this story about a male, I could relate to it better, but I don't want to. This story is about a woman, I want it to be about a woman, and it needs to be about a woman. And not just any woman, but the most powerful, beautiful, feminine entity to ever exist.

No wonder I can't relate. But I'll be damned if I let this project die. It's just too good.

-Spontaneous K