I'm a science nerd, particularly when it comes to astronomy, so for anyone who doesn't know what an Event Horizon is, it's the imaginary sphere surrounding a black hole in space where if you cross it, the gravity is so great that nothing can return, not even light.
A little heavy for a metaphor regarding my mental processes, but whatevs. I got hit with a couple downers yesterday. The roommate was picked up by a sports star, several pages of my screenplay that I'm working on were not very well received by my writing partner, my car is costing me a fortune and I can't seem to find a good way to get rid of it, and I was just downright too tired to get any work done. Knowing myself, when I start to feel the failures piling on, I begin to think of other failures...particularly ones with recent women. So OAOA was on my mind. And that is the slippery, slippery slope toward my Event Horizon of a bout of mild depression.
When things are going well, we tend to think about more good things, and so life seems great. However, the opposite is also true. When we start to think about bad things, we begin to dwell on more bad things, and the downward spiral begins. I'm particularly prone to each of these positive feedback loops (don't be confused by the world positive in that term, it doesn't mean "positive" in the good sense, just in the sense that it keeps feeding itself).
I got an adequate amount of sleep last night, but I was still deathly tired upon waking, which I knew meant I was treading on mental thin ice. I wanted to call out of work and stay in bed (that would have been the nail in the coffin), but I knew I had to pull myself out of it quickly. The more I fed it, the harder it was going to be. I've quit jobs in the past because I was too tired to get out of bed (this was a long time ago before I lived in the real world and had real responsibilities), but I knew that was not an option right now. I'd gone to work through a painful illness the past two months, I can get the hell out of bed and go to work while tired.
When you're in the thick of it, and you can feel yourself falling, it becomes more and more difficult to find things to brighten you out of that bad mood, but it's essential. We almost become possessed, unaware that we even have a choice as to what mood we want to be in. Often times we wake up on the wrong side of the bed and go, "Today's going to suck." Sometimes we're pleasantly surprised when it doesn't, but most often, it does.
We're human. Things upset us. I can't be mister super positive every day, no matter how hard I try. But if I want to be a stronger, more secure and independent adult, being aware of when I'm slipping into a negative state and taking action to pull myself out of it is a most valuable skill.
Tell me...what do you guys do when you feel yourself slipping?
-Spontaneous K
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2 comments:
I guess I am qualified to answer this one, since I am a lifelong depressive, and (so Alistair thinks) register on the bi-polar spectrum, albeit on the high-functioning end. I like to call it my "artistic temperament", because I am actually an artist...
Anyway when I feel myself falling, the most important thing for me is to not be alone. A pair of arms around you go a long way in protecting you from the doom, and if the person knows you well enough, they might know what to say to distract you a little. Other than that, there is always running away to mother's (though if she's a stress bunny like mine, you might end up feeling the more stable one...)
I have been very busy with work lately so just trying to catch up reading blogs..
Its always important to pick yourself when you feel like you are going downhill, which I think you already said in your post.. it would be nice if you had someone to put an arm around you but that isn't always possible.. go for a walk, listen to some happy, lively music, watch your fav tv show, put on the comedy channel - the whole point is distraction, distraction, distraction..
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