I'm trying not to do double titles here, since Scrubs never did that...but this morning calls for desperate measures. Anyone out there who's reading my blog, and I know you're mostly twenty-somethings, please, I need some assistance here. This isn't a pathetic cry for comments, I'm quite happy with the amount that I get, I just don't know what to do right now.
So, if you've been following, you know all about My On And Off Again Best Friend (OAOA), My Wishful Thinking, My Wishful Thinking Part II, and My First Steps Forward.
For those who haven't been following, I've basically got a girl messing with my heart who I thought came back into my life for a brief moment, upset me by raising my hopes by having a great time with me and giving me a gift, and then dropping off the face of the earth again, saying it was too much too soon.
She wanted her space. Like a gentleman, I obliged.
For the first time since I've known her, she didn't allow me to see her before she went away for a little while. This weekend she took a trip to Atlanta until March 2nd. In the past five months, every time we had to go away, even if it was for a long weekend, she'd make sure she got to see me.
Not this time.
That really put the nail in the coffin for me. I thought it was done. She can come to me when she wants me, I guess, but my friends are telling me to let it go for good.
I had half a mind to unfriend her from Facebook. But I didn't. Because I don't like saying goodbye to people. I like to try to make things work. Although, I'll admit, I'm impatient.
The day after we said goodbye last week, my Facebook status was "Picking up the keys to my new apartment tonight. Life changes. Onward Ho!"
She "liked" my status. Why? Why would she do that? I tried not to over think it. Did she like that I was moving? Did she like that I was accepting that life changes and that I was planning on moving on from her? I don't know. I tried to ignore it the best I could. And I did.
This morning, my phone buzzes. It's a Facebook message. From her. Asking me "How was the move?"
That's all. Short, simple. But SO FREAKIN' COMPLICATED AT THE SAME TIME? Why? Why is she doing this to me? She wants me, but she doesn't want me. She cares, but she wants to care from far away. Do I answer? Do I ignore it completely and let her really drop out of my life for good? I don't know what to do. My friends say she's toxic, my family says she's toxic, and while I admit (clearly from this blog) that we have problems, they are problems I want to fix, because I love her.
Within the first 30 seconds of receiving the message, I wanted to reply. I didn't know with what. I didn't know if I should just say "The move was fine," and leave it at that. I didn't know if I should give her in depth details about how I'm liking my room and my roommates. I didn't know if I should be like "OAOA, what are you doing? You said you wanted space and it's been three days." Is she testing me?
I'm at a loss. I don't know which action to take next. I don't know what she's trying to do, whether it's genuinely find out if my move went okay because she cares, or if she's trying to get back in.
I DON'T KNOW.
And it's totally ruined my morning. Somebody please help.
-Spontaneous K
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5 comments:
I don't know the background on this but if all the people around you are saying the same thing then it's something to pay attention to. Also, there are lots of people who try to string along others meanwhile doing what they want, dont let that happen to you. You can be much happier with someone who doesnt play games.
Seems to me like she's taking the space thing semi literally. Maybe she just needs some separation from the feelings she has. Caring about you is one thing, which surely she does. Being with you is another, which it seems like she's questioning.
It's important that if someone asks for space, you give it to them. The ball is in her court now. If you're okay with being a "maybe" then go with it. If not, move on.
dude, i just came across your blog. I think you need to stop by my blog and read a couple of posts on how she's just not that into you. (http://imerika.wordpress.com/2009/02/03/let-it-go-girlfriend-let-it-go/)
i'm not being mean--i think you need a friendly erika smackdown (i just gave one to mywaythistime, and she loved it).
dude--the girl may have her issues, but here's the thing...(are you ready?)...you're LETTING her have issues. Somewhere along the way of wanting her to fall in love with you, you let her cut off your balls. You can't let her keep doing this to you. You need to stop caring about what's best for her and do what's best for YOU. Because she's doing what's best for her...so who's watching out for you?
your friends are telling you, your family is telling, and now you resort to your blog so that WE can tell you--GET OVER HER. Everyone knows it-- when are YOU going to admit it? She doesn't want to be with you--if she did, she'd BE WITH YOU. That simple, huh? I'm a genius.
It sucks, I know. We've all gone after someone who didn't like us back--and dammit, it sucks BIG TIME. but you know what sucks more??? devaluing yourself. Because when you let someone (like this girl) take away your pride, you lose some dignity...and you should always be able to count on yourself right??? I feel for you, man. I do. You sound like a GREAT guy...but this is not the right girl for you...and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can move on and find some really cool hot chick who ACTUALLY wants to be with you.
What a concept, huh? *hugs*
Uggggggh, I love you guys and I hate you for being right. :) I do need to let her go and give her her space...even if I am just a "maybe". I can't hold on to that. I need to treat myself better and go with it.
You guys are awesome. Thanks for reading, and more importantly, caring.
I may be way behind the power curve on this one....
but I think you should cram your over-thinking mind with walnuts.
Is she God? No way. Not even close. Since she does not determine your placement in the circle of eternity, her opinions, "Likes" on Facebook, and simple inquiries into your life should be taken at face value. They're simple. She is simple.
Be simple with her! And find another obsession. Maybe puppies or something fluffy in nature.
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