I'm trying not to do double titles here, since Scrubs never did that...but this morning calls for desperate measures. Anyone out there who's reading my blog, and I know you're mostly twenty-somethings, please, I need some assistance here. This isn't a pathetic cry for comments, I'm quite happy with the amount that I get, I just don't know what to do right now.
So, if you've been following, you know all about My On And Off Again Best Friend (OAOA), My Wishful Thinking, My Wishful Thinking Part II, and My First Steps Forward.
For those who haven't been following, I've basically got a girl messing with my heart who I thought came back into my life for a brief moment, upset me by raising my hopes by having a great time with me and giving me a gift, and then dropping off the face of the earth again, saying it was too much too soon.
She wanted her space. Like a gentleman, I obliged.
For the first time since I've known her, she didn't allow me to see her before she went away for a little while. This weekend she took a trip to Atlanta until March 2nd. In the past five months, every time we had to go away, even if it was for a long weekend, she'd make sure she got to see me.
Not this time.
That really put the nail in the coffin for me. I thought it was done. She can come to me when she wants me, I guess, but my friends are telling me to let it go for good.
I had half a mind to unfriend her from Facebook. But I didn't. Because I don't like saying goodbye to people. I like to try to make things work. Although, I'll admit, I'm impatient.
The day after we said goodbye last week, my Facebook status was "Picking up the keys to my new apartment tonight. Life changes. Onward Ho!"
She "liked" my status. Why? Why would she do that? I tried not to over think it. Did she like that I was moving? Did she like that I was accepting that life changes and that I was planning on moving on from her? I don't know. I tried to ignore it the best I could. And I did.
This morning, my phone buzzes. It's a Facebook message. From her. Asking me "How was the move?"
That's all. Short, simple. But SO FREAKIN' COMPLICATED AT THE SAME TIME? Why? Why is she doing this to me? She wants me, but she doesn't want me. She cares, but she wants to care from far away. Do I answer? Do I ignore it completely and let her really drop out of my life for good? I don't know what to do. My friends say she's toxic, my family says she's toxic, and while I admit (clearly from this blog) that we have problems, they are problems I want to fix, because I love her.
Within the first 30 seconds of receiving the message, I wanted to reply. I didn't know with what. I didn't know if I should just say "The move was fine," and leave it at that. I didn't know if I should give her in depth details about how I'm liking my room and my roommates. I didn't know if I should be like "OAOA, what are you doing? You said you wanted space and it's been three days." Is she testing me?
I'm at a loss. I don't know which action to take next. I don't know what she's trying to do, whether it's genuinely find out if my move went okay because she cares, or if she's trying to get back in.
I DON'T KNOW.
And it's totally ruined my morning. Somebody please help.
-Spontaneous K
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