My Fortuitous Opportunity

Every once in a while, something actually works out the way you wanted it to. And you never know when it's going to strike. Perhaps you find out the girl you've been pining over finally dumps her jerk of a boyfriend. Perhaps the guy in the position you wanted at work was promoted, laid off, or fired. Perhaps you're the understudy of the lead in a broadway show and the lead gets sick, so you've got to step up.

In screenwriting terms, we dub this the "Call to Action!"

When I moved into my current apartment, I was subletting until this June, and then was hoping to be able to renew the lease, since the location and the apartment itself is fantastic and it's incredibly affordable. Unfortunately, the landlord had signed away the lease to three girls come June, which meant I was gettin' the boot once more, off into the all too familiar realm of "Where the hell am I supposed to live?"

Honestly, as a 25 year old, I'm really starting to get annoyed with carrying all my shit everywhere I go. It's heavy.

Last night, I called my landlord to set up a time to give him my paperwork and this month's rent when he sounded strangely happy to hear me. He presented me with the pleasant surprise that one of the three girls had dropped out of the lease, and the other two were wondering if Fred, my landlord, knew of anyone who wanted to take the room.

Of course he did. Moi.

Ideally, I wanted to move out of the room I'm in, because it's quite tiny, and the master bedroom is soooo nice, but the girl who dropped out was going to be taking my tiny room anyway, so I'm stuck there. On the bright side, that saves me $180 a month in extra rent, and it's not really a big deal. I can make the room cozy.

There are a lot of things you can do in life to help yourself get ahead, to increase your chances of success. But sometimes, to get what you want, you just gotta get lucky. :)

I do though have to meet these two new girls to make sure we're somewhat compatible. It would be a moot point if I don't get along with them. I'd prefer roommates who I can be friends with, but roommates I can tolerate is better than nothing. The one did say to me: "By the way, we're going to be drinking a lot. It's our senior year."

I laughed, and replied with. "Understood. I was there once. Might join you though." She seemed excited about that.

I meet the girls Thursday. Always another adventure!

-Spontaneous K

My Buddhist Brunch

Darn it! I missed a day.

I had been doing so well for about two weeks, not missing one morning with a little lesson to share with the world. I guess I can get away with it because I did two posts in one day this past week. Blah. No excuses. It's been a tough week, but I gotta get back in the groove. Because the longer you let it slip, the harder it is to climb back up. And this, my friends, is a hobby I want to keep at!

We all do, don't we? Even if we can't find things to write about, we should just write. That's what it's there for.

If only I could motivate myself to go the damn gym. Blogging's a little different in that regard...you get readers and supporters, and likewise you read other blogs and support them. At the gym, everyone is all stand-offish. You don't walk in and have a bunch of regulars go "Yo, Spontaneous! You work them Pecs today! Keep at it, brotha! Lookin' solid!" No, you have a bunch of people trying not to make eye contact with anyone else because you could smell the self-consciousness in the room.

I don't know why I had that person call me brotha right there.

It always interested me how most people like to try new activities and explore new ideas with supporters...friends...people they trust. Expanding your comfort zone is a serious skill that takes hard work to master. Fortunately, it creates what is called a "Virtuous Cycle" (the opposite of the dreaded Viscous Cycle) where the more you do it, the easier it becomes and the more you want to do it. It's exciting. You want to see how far you can push yourself. Even more amazingly, people are surprised to find out that they can push themselves pretty far.

This goes back to what I was saying on My Hump Day. We often say we can't do things, immediately dismissing it as impossible, just because of the word "can't." Most times, we really just don't want to. But it's easier to do if you've got someone willing to take the plunge with you!

Yesterday morning I had brunch with two friends of mine from my previous Starbucks job. The job was a complete freakin' nightmare, but if there was one thing that kept me sane while preparing coffee for endless drones, it was the wonderful people I worked with. We were in it together. When a summer Saturday night rolled around and we knew the place was going to be rampant with delinquent kids and homeless men looking to use our bathroom as a...well, a bath...my co-workers and I would strap on our aprons, stand up tall and say "Let's get this."

Felt like "300". Except it was 3. Against hundreds. And it wasn't our stamina we had to uphold, it was our patience.

Anyhoo, Diane and Aaron were two great friends that I made there and am happy to say I've kept in touch with since I left there in November. Diane is 28, I'm 25, and Aaron is about to turn the age of all ages, 21. Between the three of us, we've got this decade in our loves covered as far as experiences go. We've got lots to talk about. And it became apparent to Aaron and Diane, through conversations I had had singularly with both of them, that I was a spiritual guy. I was into Buddhism, introspection, working towards being a compassionate, aware, awakened human being. They were too. And they wanted to bring me in to talk with them so we could figure out a place to go, a meetup in the city, where they did guided meditations and had discussions. It sounded really wonderful, and it was quite nice to know that another two friends of mine very much valued my thoughts. Thoughts they called wisdom. I certainly wasn't trying to be modest, but I had to let them know they I barely knew more than they did, if I truly did. I have a lifetime of learning to go.

Afterwards, I spent about $200 at Target gathering materials to create a sleeping space in my new apartment. Air mattress, mattress pad, pillows, comforter, lamp. I hadn't owned this stuff since Los Angeles. And while I didn't particularly like parting with the money, since I don't have a whole lot saved just yet, it was a really nice feeling to know that this stuff was mine. I had a bed. I had my own pillows. These weren't my parent's, these weren't my sister's, this was MY stuff, in MY room.

That's enough to make any 25 year old feel good about themselves. :)

-Spontaenous K

My First Steps Forward

I ran the full range of emotions last night. I ran the circle from depressed to denial, to anger, to bargaining, and after it was all said and done and time to go to sleep, boom...acceptance. For now.

From what I understand of myself, and even what some others have told me about their experiences, it's always a little numbing after something like this happens. The initial shock wears off rather quickly, and then you feel okay. Relieved even. "That wasn't that bad!" Until a few days later when the realization kicks it that this really did happen and it's going to be harder to deal with than you thought.

Well, I'm ready for that. Wouldn't be the first time. I did something stupid last night after OAOA and I said our final, final goodbyes. I contacted Firefly because I wanted some console. From the bottom of my heart, I know I wasn't trying to reignite any flames...I just wanted to talk to an old friend that would understand. Unfortunately, even in times of need, those you want to be there won't always be...I haven't heard back from her and most likely won't.

I was able to speak with one friend who is going through a bit of a break up himself, my boy Edward, who was like an older brother to me when I lived in LA. After listening attentively to each other's woes, he gave me the greatest compliment he's ever given me:

"Y'know why I like talking to you? Because you're so comfortable with how you feel that it makes me feel okay to feel what I'm feeling."

This calmed me in way you probably can't understand. As a guy who has difficulty masking his emotions to the outside world (often why I get called a girl...or gay), I've always been self-conscious about it. My feelings are way out there for everyone to see, whether I like it or not. I always viewed that as being vulnerable or melodramatic. But apparently to Edward, it's confidence and trust...it's acceptance. I am feeling how I feel and I'm okay enough to share it with the world. At least that's his perspective. I like it.

Moving onward the best I can, it's time to seek out a new cast (or let one come to me) and enjoy what I've got. Great friends, a great job, great family...not much else I could ask for. The love life will come. I just need to feel a little more comfortable in my own skin. Neediness, says Edward, is the greatest opposition to attraction. Once I'm fully confident and secure with myself on my own, that will be apparent to others, and they'll come to me.

I know this blog only has a view subscribers thus far, and I'm not even sure if they're reading it regularly...I just know that I've found myself really looking forward to writing a post each morning. I know someone will read this, even if it's just me down the line looking back, and they'll gain something from it.

I take my showers at night because I have trouble getting up in the morning. This morning I managed to get up to take that shower. I underestimated how refreshing a shower in the morning makes you feel.

I pick up the keys to my new apartment after work today.

Onward Ho! :)

-Spontaneous K