My Second Steps Forward

They say the first step is the big one. I say it still takes a manner of awesomeness to take step two and keep going.

I want to thank everyone who provided me with the insight that I was begging for yesterday like an incapable fifteen year old: Passionista, imerika, Katie, and JenJen. (All girls! Booya! Oh, and please check out their blogs via the comment section of this post, cuz dey legit [Note to self: Stop using street talk. And colons. And ellipses...and parentheses, especially parentheses within parentheses]). Sometimes a verbal smack from someone who isn't clouded by their panicky emotions is enough to bring us back to reality and allow us to think clearly.

From the bottom of my heart...I'm not an incapable fifteen year old, no matter how much I act like one (It's fun sometimes, when there isn't a real problem). I'm a capable 25 year old, and I'm going to start acting like it. Each of my blogger friends said much of the same thing with their own special touch. I'm a grown man, I'm awesome, and I need to live my life independent of what this girl is doing.

She wants her space? She's got it. Best for the both of us. So onward from her.

From this point forward I'm going to attempt to keep any words of OAOA to a minimum. I've been writing this blog for 17 days now (Woot!) and I've noticed most of my talk is about her. That's unfortunate, because I have an entire life to talk about. Like a whole one. Whole being key word. Not sort of empty because I don't have her or some other girl, but a whole life.

Even though I have written a lot about her, the point of this blog has become truly apparent to me now that I'm 17 days in. It doesn't matter what's going on, there's always a story to be told, there's always something that you can learn and experience in your day, even if you think you did the same thing you always do on a Tuesday. (If you recall from My Hump Day, I don't even know where to start on how I feel about Tuesdays. Staff Meeting. Blah.) I'm proud that I've kept it going for this long, and I'd love to be able to reach the month milestone, the two month milestone, and, god willing, the year milestone. How cool would that be to be able to look back at the year and see a story each day? To truly understand what you went through over the course of one year? I'd like to see it. At this age, time flies by so quickly that I've found myself come each December 31st going "What the hell happened this year?"

If I write here, I'll know. :)

I should start labeling the posts though. It's hard, because I do the posts remotely, since work blocks www.blogger.com. I'll figure something out though. Perhaps go back at the end of the day and label the shiz out of them. Okay, I'll keep with the street talk. It's funny when a neurotic Jewish guy tries it.

On a great note, my new roommates, Jess and Josie, are awesome. I stayed up (WAY too late) talking with them and getting to know them. They even invited me out with them, which is really cool. It's nice to be able to come home and have people to talk to for once, people you enjoy. Even though it's only for three months, I'm thinking it'll be a three months that makes a good mark. And if it doesn't...oh well, right? Onward Ho:

Lastly...and I'm not a vain human being, I'm just completely surprised at this...a friend of mine suggested I try www.hotornot.com to try and meet girls. He's dating a few from there right now, and I was like "Really? From there?"

Why not.

I posted my pic. Now, I use the Internet a lot. A lot a lot. People are assholes. There are some mean mother-effers out there (I'm feeling the need to keep this blog semi-clean). For those not familiar with "Hot or Not", you rate pictures of others from 1 to 10 based on attractiveness. You can't really get more superficial than that. I expected myself to be in the 6-7 range, average.

Hmm. No.

Very much to my surprise, after having 54 women vote me thus far...FIFTY-FOUR (that may not sound like a lot in terms of the Internet, but imagine 54 people standing in front of you and then telling you what they rate your attractiveness. It's enough to make or break your ego)...I have an average of 9.3.

I'm not bragging. Because I still don't really believe it. It doesn't make sense. Somebody's joshin' with me.

Or maybe I should just give myself some more credit.

But a 9? Really? :)

-Spontaneous K

My Hump Day

I think favorites are funny. The whole idea of a favorite is a tad over emphatic, since there's always a better something out there. Being the "best" is impossible.

I even mentioned to my friend Dan last night how when Scrubs finally goes off the air, "Community" will be my new favorite show because it's the only other one that consistently gets me to laugh out loud, and the humor is as sharp and as edgy as Scrubs. I'm also a Chevy Chase fan until I die.

Let's not talk about the end of Scrubs right now though. :(

So when it comes to days of the week, or even months of the year, it's always interesting for me to hear people's favorites and least favorites. Although I don't think I've ever heard anyone say, "Dude, I love Wednesdays." Or any variation thereof containing Wednesday. I have to stop saying dude.

I, too, very much dislike Wednesdays, and it's apparent why. People give Mondays crap, but I also feel there is a manner of acceptance on Monday shared by fellow co-workers. (I'm going by the normal 9-5, Monday to Friday work week demographic. There very well could be people who can't wait for their Mondays or Wednesdays). On Monday, everyone may be grumpy, but at least they're all grumpy together, and the grumpiness is empathized. It's a new work week, no one wants to be here, except for that consistently and exuberantly cheery human being who you think is probably a psycho at home, because nobody can be THAT happy all the time. Everyone knows that person.

Even Sundays can get at bad rep. Sunday evenings at least. Because you've always got that looming fear of Monday over your head, or that guilt that you actually relaxed over the weekend instead of getting things done. Sundays can be subtely mean in that way.

Tuesday I just can't explain.

But Wednesdays can wreak havoc on a person's life, each and every week, especially if the weeks have become mundane. It's that mid-point (hence the hump) where you're close enough to the weekend to start thinking about it (unlike Mondays or Tuesdays), but far enough from it that it seems like it'll never come (unlike Thursdays and Fridays). If you're week isn't good by Wednesday, it's tough at this point to rebound, and I've found it's the hardest day to pull yourself out of bed. You reflect on what you have or haven't already done this week, and how you're going to make it through the the next two days.

Grrr, this is why I watch Scrubs. Because I find myself falling into the half-empty category...especially on Wednesdays. I'm working on viewing life with a more half-full perspective. When I found myself having trouble getting out of bed this morning, I heard myself saying "I can't." And I pondered what that really meant. How often do I say I can't? How often does it actually mean "I don't want to?"

When you think about it, 9 times out of 10, or even more, we CAN do the things we think we can't. We just don't want to. Either because it's hard or we're scared. So even when we (or I) tell ourselves "I can't be happy,"...I'm inclined to believe we just don't want to do the things required for us to be happy.

So when I find myself thinking "I can't handle Wednesdays", I really mean that I don't want to handle Wednesdays. Because every Wednesday I come out alive. I'm just not accepting that Wednesday is a part of life, and that it'd actually be easier if I welcomed it, just like every other negative life experience.

I was going to go into the idea of daydreams and having fun with situations in order to get through tough days (and I had a nice JD's Fantasies clip to go with it. I'll save that for another post), but I think I've touched on something more important. So here's a more serious clip from Scrubs.

What do you find yourself saying you can't do? I bet you that you can do it. Whether you want to or not.

-Spontaneous K