Putting the "Spontaneous" in Spontaneous K

It's true, anything can happen at anytime. That's the nature of the universe. However, if you're a nine to five-er like me, your days, even your weekends, tend to be rather predictable. Most people stick with what they know, the activities and people they enjoy, and that often limits the types of experiences they are likely to encounter.

Lately I've had a string of unpredictable occurrences, courtesy of our universe, (like OAOA's sister being struck by a vehicle, or a girl's horrid case of pink-eye) that have hindered instead of helped whatever progress I've been trying to make with the opposite sex. Which is fine. At first, I protested. Now, I welcome them as learning opportunities in managing expectations.

And in response to those unavoidable, unexpected occurrences that can ruin plans, I created "The Spontaneity Project". If I wanted a relationship, I couldn't sit around and wait for the universe to hand me the right woman. I had to step waaaaay out of my comfort zone and go get her.

So far, I've seen great minor successes in The Spontaneity Project. I've uncovered a stark, and startling, truth: People are actually really easy to talk to.

That is, if you don't have an agenda. Women specifically can pick up rather instantly if a guy is trying to, well, pick them up. And people in general can tell if someone is trying to get something from them. However, if your agenda is in their favor, say, simply to make them smile or spice up their day, they're much more likely to be engaging.

I'm a pretty readable person. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I'm a terrible liar, and therefore, everyone can tell where I'm coming from. But by changing my goal from "making a new friend for me" or "getting a date out of this girl for me" to "I just want to give (key word) this person someone to talk to", the whole dynamic changes. Most people really like it when honest people just want to talk to them and find out about them! People like it when they are considered interesting by another human being who isn't trying to get something out of them.

With this attitude in mind, people have even started to talk to me first instead of me having to initiate. Which is further proving the point to me that when you change your actions, your whole world changes.

Now, is it possible to get something out of someone without "having an agenda" or being dishonest? Yes. They just have to want to give it to you. Which brings me back to the beginning of this post...

...last night I was not only successful in being completely spontaneous myself, but I was successful in helping another person be completely spontaneous.

I'm on okCupid, the free online dating service. After work and the gym, I came home, logged on, and decided to see if I could find someone new and interesting. And I did! Her name was Francesca, and I sent her a brief message that caught her attention and prompted her to begin chatting with me.

From the moment we started chatting, I was on my A-game. I don't know where it came from, but my witty banter had her laughing and intrigued, and about fifteen minutes into the conversation, I said to her "Hey, I've got an idea."

"What's that?" she replies.

"How about we both drop whatever it is we were going to do tonight and go get a beer or glass of wine on this gorgeous fall evening?"

Mind you she's a first year law student and has a shit-ton of studying to do for finals. She gave me the bait, "I want to, but you're going to have to persuade me."

She gave me the okay. She wanted to be spontaneous. She wanted to do something fun and exciting, and she wanted the push from me. So I gave it to her. Five more minutes of convincing and she still wasn't sure, but she was on the edge. Alas, I pulled out the big guns. I said: "Here's what I have to do. My phone number is 215-XXX-XXXX. I'm getting in the shower right now, and I'll be in Rittenhouse Square at 8pm. Hope to see you there."

I got a text from her a moment later saying "You are utterly infuriating!" I laughed, because I had won. In twenty minutes, I had a girl who had never spoken to me before and was sitting in yoga pants with her cat, knitting and studying law, to hop in the shower and come meet me for a date.

She arrived in Rittenhouse promptly at 8pm. We had an awesome date. I hadn't had a victory that flawless since OAOA.

I know now, though, how to manage expectations and not only simply enjoy the time I had with Francesca, but know that if that's all the time I get, there will be plenty more good times ahead.

If I continue to be spontaneous. :)

-Spontaneous K